Emotion regulation: What is it and how to practice it?
Understanding Emotions
Emotions are a normal part of people's daily life. According to American Psychological Association, emotions are conscious mental reactions (such as anger, fear or anxiety) subjectively experienced as strong feelings usually directed toward a specific object/trigger and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. For example, all people feel frustration when they are stuck in traffic, or feel sad when they miss their loved ones. Also, people can get angry when someone disappoints or hurts them, or they can get stressed about an important event for them, like an interview. In other words, all human beings, without exception, experience common emotional experiences such as anger, frustration, sadness or anxiety, which can affect well-being and decision-making.
Why is emotional regulation important?
Emotion regulation skills actually require people to consider more than just their emotions. People often lose control of their emotions, they don't understand them and there can be various reasons why someone follows this process. They may be genetically predisposed to these rapid changes or they may not have good emotional regulation or have not learned the skills. They may lose control when they experience a trigger for negative situations that happened in the past. There may also be physical changes that cause a person to lose control of their emotions, such as exhaustion or a drop in blood sugar, and of course all of this affects their behavior. The key is for individuals to acknowledge their feelings, but also to invite reflection to be part of the process.
However, what often happens to people is to shame and criticize themselves for these unpleasant feelings, which actually escalates the tension, making themselves feel even worse. Emotional control and regulation is taking any action that alters the intensity of an emotional experience. It doesn’t mean suppressing or avoiding emotions. With emotional regulation skills, individuals can influence which emotions they have as well as how they express them. Of course, some people are better at regulating their emotions than others. This happens because they have high Emotional Intelligence and are aware of both their own inner experiences and the feelings of others. Some people may seem "naturally calm", but they too experience negative emotions, they just have developed coping strategies that allow them to self-regulate difficult emotions.
Vicious Cycle (Thoughts → Feelings → Bodily Symptoms → Behaviors)
People's thoughts that precede emotions, as well as the behaviors that result from them, play a critical role in this process. Often, it may be more possible for people to change these thoughts or behaviors than it would be to simply do something themselves to feel a different emotion. Fortunately, changing the way you think, or even the way you behave, can actually lead to a change in your emotional state. This cycle (Thoughts → Feelings → Bodily Symptoms → Behaviors) is called vicious and is a fundamental element of an evidence-based and highly popular mental health treatment approach called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Understanding this cycle can empower all individuals.
Strategies that can help you regulate your emotions
Of course, apart from therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy - DBT, Systemic Therapy and many others) which is very important for managing emotions, there are other ways to enhance emotion regulation through practicing self-care activities. Perhaps the most important is the constructive communication where it will help you express your feelings effectively, listen actively and claim boundaries while maintaining respect and empathy. Also important is to create space. You can take a breath and slow down the moment between activation and response. Practicing positive Psychology exercises and interventions such as savouring, gratitude and mindfulness can help.
Moreover, you can first notice or identify the emotions, after you can name them and in the end to accept them. It's a great way to practice self-compassion and give yourself grace. Recognize that experiencing emotions is a normal human response. Also, you can identify and reduce the triggers and engage your self in a positive self talk (in this procedure you can replace your negative thoughts about your self with more positive or alternative thoughts). In that way you can practice your mindfulness skills, by living in the moment and paying attention, using all your sensations in order to notice what is happening around you in nonjudgmental ways.
To sum up, there are a number of emotion regulation strategies that individuals can exercise to develop their coping skills. It is important to consider which strategies are most useful for them and which to avoid in order to recognize their feelings, name them, not be ashamed of them and to understand that they are part of the life of all people and they are completely normal.
